These parody MAGA hats are never clever enough to make up for the temporary anxiety that happens when i see one
— Rev Rell (@awkward_duck) July 30, 2019
Trump?s concentration camps stopped trending because Trump said something racist.
— God (@thegoodgodabove) July 28, 2019
Jeffrey Epstein stopped trending because Trump said something racist.
Republicans blocking all election security stopped trending because Trump said something racist.
Trump on cities
— Brandon Friedman (@BFriedmanDC) July 28, 2019
Atlanta: "falling apart"
Baltimore: "a filthy place"
Chicago: "totally out of control"
Philadelphia: "struggling"
San Francisco: "disgusting," "not even recognizable"
Moscow, Russia: "a great city" and "an amazing place"
Perhaps he should move.
My debt forgiveness plan is simple: I have hidden five golden tickets in chocolate bars around the world. The lucky children that find the bars can use the tickets to pay tuition fees if they pass a series of simple tests during a visit to my candy factory
— allison (@allisongeroi) July 28, 2019
Kamala really looked us dead in our faces and said, ?Start a business in the hood, stay in operation for 3 years and we?ll forgive $6.98 in your student loans. And because I am EXTRA GRACIOUS, we?re also giving you a coupon for a Popeye?s 3-piece dark & biscuit (no drink).?
— Asia (@AsiaChloeBrown) July 28, 2019
Ppl: student debt forgiveness
— Elle Gato Maruska (@ellle_em) July 28, 2019
Kamala Harris: for ppl who can run across a bed of hot coals?
Ppl: no for everyone
Harris: everyone who can juggle 15 eggs?
Ppl: no everyone
Harris: everyone who on May 4th 2008 wore a red t-shirt & ate a corndog at 12:15am
Ppl: no
you heard it here first folks, by 2023 we CAN forgive 6 ppl?s college debt
— unlicensed professional (@KrangTNelson) July 28, 2019
Don?t worry everyone. Thoughts and prayers are on the way. #GunViolence #GilroyGarlicFestival
— Kay Hanley (@kayhanley) July 29, 2019
americans cannot even celebrate garlic - the best and purest of things - without gunfire. #GilroyGarlicFestival
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) July 29, 2019
JAKE TAPPER: Senator Sanders, you are an old Socialist has-been who will tank the economy. Why don't you just retire already?
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) July 31, 2019
BERNIE: Jake, let me?
TAPPER: The next question is for Senator Warren. Senator Warren: What's your problem
CNN: "Elizabeth Warren, do you hate Bernie Sanders?"
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 31, 2019
ELIZABETH WARREN: "No, in fact, we agree on many-"
CNN: "Okay, shut up. Um, Bernie, do you hate Hickenlooper?"
BERNIE: "Not really, but we disagree on the policy of-"
CNN: "Don't care - ok um, who else uh: Beto, do you hate
Bernie Sanders: "Healthcare is a human right"
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 31, 2019
Elizabeth Warren: "We must end the imprisonment of children at the border"
John Delaney: "You guys - it's cheaper if we *bring* food to Disney World rather than *buy* food at Disney World"
Jake Tapper: So we can all agree nukes r good. Senator Warren, why do u hate good things?
— marisa kabas (@MarisaKabas) July 31, 2019
like, we know what happened last time we elected the candidate who simply made the most watchable television
— claire willett (@clairewillett) July 31, 2019
Who called them Williamson supporters and not the Marianne faithful
— Sam Thielman (@samthielman) June 28, 2019
Don?t get me wrong Williamson is an awful wellness industry Goop woman however these candidates better start absorbing her racism talking points because she?s the only one who is resonating and that is wild
— Danie Darko (@daniecal) July 31, 2019
Every conversation is a podcast if you close your eyes
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) July 30, 2019
Me, 7pm: ?Netflix has a glass-blowing show? I?ll check it out, but I don?t know if I can get excited about something I know literally nothing about?
— Dr. Jens Foell (@fMRI_guy) July 29, 2019
Me, 8pm: ?oh come on you have to be careful when carrying the punty from the furnace to the annealer, this isn?t amateur hour!?
feel like it?s pretty dystopian to force 17 yr olds to encapsulate their personhood in a 500 word essay to beg billion dollar institutions to let them be in debt to them for the rest of their lives anyway so do we prefer oat milk or almond milk ladies
— bridget (@presidentgay) July 28, 2019
The 4 types of adult
— Nick Wiger (@nickwiger) July 28, 2019
1. Alcoholic parent
2. IBS sufferer
3. Disney season pass holder
4. Facebook racist
I plan to age like a fine wine.
— Kibblesmith ?? (@kibblesmith) July 29, 2019
Trapped in a rich old man?s cellar with hundreds of others, ranked among some inscrutable hierarchy, and each wondering when we?ll be next.
wow man last year i was sleeping on my sisters floor, had no money, struggling to get plays on my music, suffering from daily headaches, now i?m gay.
— nope (@LilNasX) July 28, 2019
Dear Brits,
— GAIL SIMONE is MY LITTLE SIMONEY (@GailSimone) July 28, 2019
How many old country pubs, by overall percentage, in England, protect a secret about local werewolves?
Is it more than 80%
I might need to know
The Werewolf population has been in decline sine the mid 80?s due to socio-economic and political factors. That and they were eating tourists. I pretty much blame the Tory?s
— Gary Macindoe (@franktoast) July 28, 2019
This is just racist stereotyping, it?s actually just 53%, the other 47% are hiding secrets about devil worshipping and witchcraft.
— Peter Capaldi?s Beautiful Hair (@AdamJClegg) July 28, 2019
It?s mostly werewolves up north. Proper working person?s monster is that.
— P.A. Ogilvie (@P_A_Ogilvie) July 28, 2019
SHOULD THE WORLD KNOW OUR BUSINESS???
— ILovedMyNansDinners (@MrLeeArthur) July 29, 2019